My Tips and Advice: Marriage Preparation |
| 1. Are You Worried That You Are Getting Too Old Marry? |
| In our society 90% of all people will eventually marry. Many young people feel a pressure to marry. However, more and more people are marrying later rather than getting married in their early 20´s. For example, did you know that 1993 the average women married at age 24.5 and the average man got married at age 26.5. These statistics may not surprise some people, but it is good for younger people to know that there should not be a rush to get married. The most important thing someone dating can do is prepare themself first and then other things will fall into place. |
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| 2. What Are The Different Types Of Love? |
Eros is the physical, sexual side of love. It is needing and desiring, and wanting the other person physically. The physical, sexual side of love called "Cupid" by the Romans.
Agape is the altruistic, giving, nondemanding side of love. It is an active concern for the life and growth of those whom we love. It is most clearly demonstrated by a parent´s love for a child. Agape is an unconditional affirmation of another person. It is a Greek term for spiritual love.
Philos is the love found in deep and enduring friendships. It is also the kind of love described in the biblical injunction "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It is also the greek term for the love found in deep, enduring friendships; a general love of humanity. |
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| 3. What Are The Major Qualities Shared By Strong Families? |
What are the relationship qualities that lead to family strength and wellness?
1) Commitment. The major quality of strong families is a high degree of commitment.
2) Appreciation. This quality seems to permeate the strong family. The family members appreciate one another and make each other feel good about themselves.
3) Good communication patterns. Members of strong families spend time talking to each other. Strong families also listen well. They also fight fairly.
4) Desire to spend time together. Strong families do a lot of things together. This is not a "false" or "smothering" togetherness; they genuinely enjoy being together. Another important point is that these families actively structure their lifestyles so that they can spend time together.
5) A strong value system. Members of strong families share a strong value system. This finding agrees with research from the past forty years, which shows a positive correlation among religion, marriage happiness, and successful family relationships (Robinson and Blanton, 1993).
6) Ability to deal with crisis and stress in a positive manner. Strong families have the ability to deal with crises and problems in a positive way. Such families are resilient and can bounce back from adversity. |
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| 4. Decision Making Steps |
The following are the six most important steps in the decision-making process.
1) Define what you need or want.
2) Look carefully at your resources.
3) Gather information on all your choices.
4) Identify, evaluate, and compare your choices.
5) Make your decision, develop a plan, and get started.
6) Evaluate your decision and readjust it if necessary.
These steps can be very valuable in the dating relationship. It is very important to define what you want and need in a dating relationship and in marriage. Then look at your resources. Are you ready to marry? Do you have enough dating experience to feel like you are marrying the right person? Gather as much information on the person you are dating. Take your time and make a wise choice. Definitely compare your choices. If you feel like you don´t have a choice, step back and evaluate further. Never rush into a serious relationship. Once you have decided to advance your relationship develop a plan and get started on improving your relationship. Finally, evaluate your decision and make relationship changes if necessary.
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| 5. How Does My Past Impact My Dating? |
Have you ever considered how your family patterns have impacted you in your dating? Few people realize the significant impact that families have on their dating. Consider the following ideas.
How did your family solve problems?
How did your family communicate?
Did your family spend time together?
Was religion important in your family?
How important was commitment to your parents?
How did your parents show appreciation and affection?
Once you have analyzed your family in these areas it would be a good idea to write down specific ways that you have been influenced by your family. For example, how did your parents demonstration of affection impact you? Do you want to show affection the way your parents did or would you like to do it differently? If you want to do it differently how will you make that happen? It would be a good idea to ask yourself these types of questions for all six areas. |
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| 6. How Can I Tell If He Is Right For Me? |
Here are a few questions you could ask yourself if you are thinking about getting more serious in a relationship:
1) Are you better people when you are with each other?
2) Does either of you want to date anyone else?
3) Do you truly enjoy each others company?
4) Do you feel better about yourself?
5) Are his needs as important to you as your own?
6) Are you each free to be yourself when you are together or must you always be on guard?
7) Are you prepared to marry the family of your prospective mate?
8) How do each of you treat your own parents?
9) How do each of you feel about the other being a parent of your children?
10)Are you both committed to each other´s growth and development? |
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| 7. Discussing Intimate Issues |
| If you are engaged, don´t be afraid to ask intimate questions about the other person that you might not already know. It is best to have an understanding about the opposite sex, specifically the person you are marrying, before you are married. For example, a man might ask questions about a women´s period that he doesn´t already know. |
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