Next Longhorn postponement scheduled for June 2005
Longhorn Beta 1 coming in June; The world's geekiest hobby; So, Carly, you feel like you're getting enough family time? Google Maps' You know, the corporate looting wouldn't have really bothered me if I'd had my caffeine; Confused by "old" medium, Napster belated realizes TV ads are supposed to include movement, sound, monkees; Uh, that Gmail thing I mentioned yesterday -- forget you ever read it; Bike Kill 2004 and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 02/08/2005 09:29 AM PST)

Equip legions of Grand Theft Auto fans with supercomputers? Sure, what could go wrong?
IBM to unveil Cell; Ask Jeeves? Hell, just try to get him to keep quiet; RIAA sues the dead; Club Gmail fires bouncers; Charleton Heston reads The Encyclopedia Britannica now available on one convenient HVD; I ate iPod Shuffle, the mix tape generator, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 02/07/2005 10:21 AM PST)

404: The rationale for the merger you requested cannot be found
Qwest and MCI? Bahahahaha; Altoid tin MP3 players; 13 Microsoft patches? Is it my sys admin's birthday again already?; Big Blue? More like Big Blew It; If only idiots were as much fun as smart people pretending to be idiots; Mine goes to 11; Ok. Now just for fun, tell the computer I consume 2300 pounds of suet and grain alcohol each year; I made the screen blue ... to match my eyes; The State of the Union parsing tool, the nerd watch museum, and Music Band Fonts.
( 02/04/2005 09:35 AM PST)

And what happens if my rental music goes condo?
Napster launches new subscription service; Amazon investors: Run away! Run away!; Garageband and your nuclear facility; Star Wars convention photo gallery, a big foot 911 call and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 02/03/2005 10:21 AM PST)

Search leader's newest beta: Google Offshore Bank Account
Google earnings; Oracle president diagnosed with early-onset Ellison Syndrome; Grand Theft Auto: Myst; Your honor, what I meant to say was "Most obvious is in the adware we DO NOT add to their machine upon installation"; Microsoft reassures U.N. its weapons program ended in '91; Apple assigns G5 PowerBook project to home-heating division; OK, so one plasma TV lets me keep my job and a pair gets me a promotion?; On BS, office claymores, cinema beds and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 02/02/2005 09:40 AM PST)

HP plans gala retirement party for Moore's Law
HP's molecular computing breakthrough; Processors for rent. Reasonable hourly rates. Close to schools and shopping; Google now master of its own domains; Nigerian widows celebrate first anniversary of Can-Spam act; Irritable, obsessive-compulsive megalomaniac under pressure? Hey, I know that guy!; Oh, look who's talking about "state-of-the-art user experience"; Dammit Jim, I'm a bus driver, not a burrito joint!; Scent of a robot, the winners of the Bill Gate's photo caption contest and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 02/01/2005 10:15 AM PST)

Ma Bell to SBC: I've fallen and I can't get up
SBC to acquire AT&T; At $2,699, you should call it the PowerBroke; Diebold engineers finally open voting machine, find printer; Apple's art rockers win battle of the brands; other sectors Google could intrude into, MP3 toilets, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/31/2005 10:09 AM PST)

Did we say bill of rights? We meant bill of goods
California puts consumer telecom protection on hold; Bill Gates owes the Master Chief a good dinner; iPod users as cyborgs; Google acknowledges it doesn't employ all the smart people in the world -- yet; Viruses to the left of me, worms to the right; Forget the whales -- save the D/A and A/D converters!; Everyone came out ahead on cranium ad; Self-defence with a Walking-stick; and more
( By John Murrell, 01/28/2005 01:07 PM PST)

A9 catches you picking your nose in front of Starbucks and you're on the Net forever
A9 debuts visual Yellow Pages; If only HP had developed this just a little sooner. Then Brad and Jen might have had a chance; SAP to Ellison: We have a word for you, and it ends in "kopf"; Image tag sued for divulging Apple trade secrets; You might be a high-tech redneck if.... The screambody, Hiëronymus Bosch action figures, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/27/2005 09:30 AM PST)

In bold variation, defense will argue that Ebbers is a twinkie
Opening statements heard in Ebbers trial; SBC announces employee surplus; Squaw Valley on the Google guys;Well, it looks like a true BSOD, but I won't know for sure until I see a certificate of authenticity; Re: Chubby goofus spazzes out lipsyncing Romanian pop song; Alcohol in the Star Trek universe, Thundercats bloopers, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/26/2005 09:26 AM PST)

Does this open source license make me look fat?
OpenSolaris debuts; Think of it as a video search, but without the video; I'm going to say this again. I did not have business relations with that company; We hoped the Net would lead to less discrimination, but this is ridiculous; The quote that scored Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates the #5 spot on Business 2.0's The 101 Dumbest Moments in Business; More Gates photo captions, Bad weatherman and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/25/2005 09:27 AM PST)

Microsoft surgeons perform delicate Media Player-ectomy
Europe to get modified version of Windows; Exit-poll companies find work doing VC surveys; Do you have something with a little less rat in it?; Nothing to see here, folks; move along; The Globus Consortium? That's the last Ludlum book, right?; Two, two, two chips in one; What If; and more
( By John Murrell, 01/24/2005 01:18 PM PST)

Get 1,800 marketing and sales people to keep a secret? No problem
Google to release AdWords API; FCC chairman to spend more time with friends, family, "God's machine"; The first rule of Sony's lousy digital music strategy is you don't talk about Sony's lousy digital music strategy; SCO what?; Do that monkey dance for me again, Steve; The Hipster PDA, the Apple Store of the future, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/21/2005 09:46 AM PST)

EBay high bidder in auction for Wall Street butt-kicking
Investors dump eBay; BANG! Agh, my foot!; Apple to seek death penalty in Think Secret case; Here's an idea: How about you pay me $59.95 to use your crappy e-mail client?; Would it violate the Geneva Convention if we combined the homo-aphrodisiac weapon with the halitosis weapon?; a selection of entries from the Bill Gates caption contest, Natural Phenomena Named After Frank Zappa, Minis Tirith Wireless, and more.
( By John Paczkowski, 01/20/2005 09:36 AM PST)